In the world of modern relationships, especially among Gen Z, kalesh—a Hindi term loosely translating to “conflict” or “drama”—has become an art form. The dynamics of relationships today are often laced with tension, insecurity, and, let’s face it, a little bit of unnecessary drama. Whether it’s seeking attention, testing commitment, or just wanting to feel desired, many of us have indulged in creating conflict for the sake of spicing things up. But while we may joke about it, there’s something deeper at play here. So, let’s break down the why, how, and what of the “kalesh” phenomenon.

1. The Unseen Search for Attention

One of the most common tactics in relationships, especially among younger people, is the deliberate act of causing tension just to get attention. It’s like playing hard to get, but on steroids. Take the example of a girlfriend who might pretend to be mad at her partner over something as small as a delayed text reply. It’s not the delay that matters; it’s the feeling of being ignored that stirs the drama. She might demand an explanation for why he didn’t reply immediately, even though she knows perfectly well he was busy.

It’s a method to see if the partner cares enough to chase, to prove their love with some form of action. Does he miss me? Does he care? This type of kalesh isn’t about the issue itself but about testing the waters—about gauging how far someone is willing to go to ensure that everything is still okay between the two of them.

2. The Ex Factor: A Game of Comparison

Another avenue for creating unnecessary tension comes in the form of comparing your partner to their exes. Ever found yourself suddenly asking your boyfriend or girlfriend questions like, “Who did you think was prettier—me or your ex?” or “Did she do that thing with you too?” This is prime kalesh material.

For example, the girlfriend who scrolls through her partner’s Instagram photos to check out comments he left on his ex’s pictures or the type of things he used to say to her—jealousy starts to bubble up. Even if there’s no reason for it, a tiny seed of doubt is planted. You start overanalyzing, scrutinizing every little detail, convincing yourself that there’s still some emotional attachment to the past. This kind of comparison is, to put it simply, toxic, but it’s also an oddly common tactic to create unnecessary drama.

3. Hypothetical “What If” Scenarios: Testing Love

If you’ve ever heard the phrase “Would you still love me if I were a worm?” and thought to yourself, “What’s the point?”—welcome to kalesh 101. These hypothetical questions are often designed to test just how far your partner’s love really goes. And no answer will ever be perfect enough. Whether it’s “Would you choose me if your ex and I swapped souls?” or “What would you do if I gained 20 pounds?” these are questions that demand a response so sweet, so poetic, that it feels like a test of loyalty and dedication.

The problem? No matter how hard you try, it’s virtually impossible to get the answer you’ve fantasized about. This failure to meet an expectation sparks a mini conflict that will last far longer than the actual question deserves. And before you know it, you’re fighting about something that started with a seemingly innocent hypothetical scenario.

4. Digital Drama: Instagram and the Perils of Likes

Ah, social media—the ultimate breeding ground for relationship drama. The mere act of seeing your partner “like” another person’s photo on Instagram can feel like a betrayal. The immediate reaction is often to spiral into insecurity and overanalyze every aspect of that person’s life. What was it about that girl’s photo that caught his eye? Does he think she’s prettier than me? What’s going on behind the scenes?

Even worse, if your partner has a history of posting lovey-dovey comments on his ex’s pictures, that’s like adding fuel to the fire. These are the moments when kalesh is at its peak, and it’s all happening in the digital world. Insecurity is amplified because the presence of exes, likes, and comments is visible for everyone to see. It’s no wonder that petty arguments over social media can blow up out of nowhere.

5. Jealousy as a Tactic to Rekindle Attention

There’s also a subset of people who use jealousy as a tool to reignite passion or maintain control in a relationship. One girl admitted that she would start flirting with other guys when she was upset with her boyfriend, just to get his attention. By sparking jealousy in him, she could gauge his level of interest. A little drama here and there ensured he stayed emotionally invested. Another woman kept old mementos from a previous relationship to remind her current partner that she was desirable and could, if she wanted, have other options.

While these actions are undeniably toxic, they serve as a reminder that relationships can sometimes feel like a game of cat and mouse. The pursuit of validation or attention becomes a daily ritual, often creating conflict where none is needed.

6. The Ultimatum: When Silence Speaks Volumes

Sometimes, the drama doesn’t come in the form of loud arguments or attention-seeking behavior. It’s the subtle art of going silent. One of my friends would intentionally go radio silent on her boyfriend for days to see if he would crack and start chasing her. If he didn’t, it was a point against him. The silent treatment, while not overtly toxic, is a passive-aggressive form of creating drama—one that ultimately undermines the relationship’s trust and communication.

7. Extreme Measures: When Things Go Too Far

Then there are the extreme cases, where people go to unhealthy lengths to demand attention. One girl, frustrated that her situationship wasn’t worried enough about her, purposely hurt herself to make him feel guilty. This is an extreme red flag, and honestly, no form of drama or attention-seeking behavior should ever reach this level. The line between playful kalesh and outright emotional manipulation is thin, and we need to be aware when we cross it.

The Drama We Create

As much as we like to blame our partners for creating drama, the truth is that many of us have, at one point or another, indulged in kalesh—creating unnecessary conflict to keep the relationship dynamic exciting, to test boundaries, or to simply see how much attention we can get. While some of this behavior is rooted in insecurities, others simply crave the highs and lows of love. Relationships shouldn’t have to rely on constant drama to thrive. In the end, finding balance and learning how to communicate without creating conflict can be the real challenge of modern love.

So, next time you feel the urge to stir the pot, ask yourself: Is this kalesh worth it? Or is peace really what you need?

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