In the ever-evolving world of social media, TikTok has emerged as more than just a hub for viral dances and quirky cooking hacks. With over a billion active monthly users, the platform has become a cornerstone for modern relationship advice, offering a space where individuals seek guidance on everything from navigating romantic relationships to understanding their sexuality. But as users flock to TikTok for answers, the lines between genuine advice and curated performance often blur, raising questions about the authenticity of what we see online.

A Digital Cupid and Dr. Phil in One

Unlike the traditional mediums that offer relationship advice—whether it’s through books, therapists, or talk shows—TikTok offers a more immediate and personal experience. It combines real-time content, trends, and experiences, making it feel as if your love life is being discussed by people who could be your friends or acquaintances. TikTok has become the digital matchmaker that blends the roles of Cupid and Dr. Phil, offering love advice, challenges, and even “relationship goals” from ordinary people to so-called experts.

However, as with any platform, TikTok isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s simply a space where users can interact, explore, and sometimes even contest the realities of relationships. That said, the advice people encounter can often be contradictory, drawing them into a world of performative relationships and unrealistic expectations.

The “Main Character Energy” Trend: Making Your Love Life a Story

A phenomenon that’s gained momentum on TikTok is what’s often referred to as “main character energy.” This trend sees users frame their love lives as narratives, with themselves positioned as the central figure. People are increasingly sharing relationship stories with a narrative structure, often highlighting moments of love, betrayal, or drama. In many ways, this turns relationships into public performances, where the objective is to gain external validation or affirmation from an online audience.

For instance, relationship milestones are no longer private moments but are posted as part of a larger storyline. “Soft launching” a relationship, where a person subtly hints at a new partner by sharing selective photos or messages, has become a hallmark of this trend. Then there’s the “hard launch,” where someone goes all out and announces their new relationship to the world with a grand gesture. These trends are powered by the need for validation and the desire to curate one’s love life into a perfect narrative, often influenced by the glossy portrayals we see on TikTok.

While this can be empowering and offer tools to reflect on relationships, it also creates a false sense of what relationships should look like. The pressure to live up to these curated stories can leave individuals feeling inadequate when comparing their “real-life” messy experiences to the seemingly flawless online versions.

From Relationship Influencers to Dating Gurus: Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Another trend contributing to the rise of TikTok as a love guru is the emergence of relationship influencers. These influencers, often in couples, showcase their romantic lives with picture-perfect moments, offering “couple goals” that seem to represent the pinnacle of love and intimacy. While these videos are undeniably engaging, they often represent an idealized version of romance, one that’s highly curated and selective.

The danger lies in the illusion of authenticity. TikTok’s format—quick, raw, and often unfiltered—makes it feel like you’re getting a behind-the-scenes glimpse into someone’s life. However, much of what you see is scripted or heavily edited, with influencers carefully crafting content to project a desired image. This creates a sense of “FOMO” (Fear of Missing Out) in viewers, who may start questioning their own relationships or romantic prospects. “Why doesn’t my relationship look like theirs?” becomes a common thought. TikTok’s structure only amplifies these insecurities by constantly serving content that aligns with popular trends and high expectations.

Alongside influencers, a new breed of dating gurus has emerged, offering quick-hit relationship advice in bite-sized videos. These experts often promise solutions to complex emotional problems, using catchy titles like “How to make them obsessed with you” or “The ultimate dating strategy.” While some of this content may seem harmless or entertaining, it can often veer into toxic territory. Advice like “play hard to get” or manipulate emotions to secure affection harks back to unhealthy dynamics that many hoped we had left behind in past decades. This kind of advice can lead people to view love as a game rather than a genuine, emotional connection, further distorting the idea of what healthy relationships should look like.

The Double-Edged Sword: TikTok as a Platform for Self-Discovery vs. Reinforcing Norms

TikTok’s unique algorithm, which tailors content to users’ preferences and interests, has made it a powerful tool for exploring one’s identity. It has allowed people to explore their sexuality, gender, and relationship preferences in a way that feels immediate and personal. The viral trend of “TikTok knew I was gay before I did” became a perfect example of how the platform can help individuals discover parts of their identity that they may not have fully understood before. This personal exploration fosters a sense of community and belonging, normalizing experiences that were once stigmatized or considered taboo.

However, TikTok’s reliance on sensationalist content and viral trends can sometimes reinforce traditional, narrow views of relationships and intimacy. The platform’s most popular relationship trends often revolve around conventional, mainstream ideas of love—romanticized, heteronormative, and tailored to fit Western ideals. While this can be relatable to many, it leaves little room for the diverse realities of modern relationships. TikTok often fails to acknowledge that love, intimacy, and sexuality can take on many different forms, beyond the perfect image seen in viral videos.

A Space for Reflection, but Also a Mirror of Unrealistic Standards

In conclusion, TikTok represents both the potential for self-reflection and empowerment in the realm of love and intimacy and a trap of unrealistic expectations. It’s a platform where users can explore, share, and learn about relationships, but it’s also a space where idealized and often unachievable versions of love and romance are presented as the norm. As the platform continues to evolve, it will be important to balance the insights and empowerment it offers with a more critical understanding of how its content shapes our perceptions of love.

Navigating TikTok’s relationship advice ecosystem requires an awareness of the difference between genuine self-discovery and the performance-driven narratives that may ultimately hinder one’s personal journey. By keeping a critical eye and understanding the complexities behind curated content, users can avoid falling into the trap of comparison and instead embrace their own, imperfect love stories.

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